The Lightbulb Moment
Maybe someone sent you a video. Maybe you stumbled onto an article at midnight when you couldn’t sleep. Maybe a friend said it to you almost casually, and you felt something shift in your chest that you still haven’t quite named. The word might have been gaslighting. Or coercive control. Or narcissism. Or trauma bonding.
And for one brief, clarifying, almost terrifying moment — something made sense that hadn’t made sense before.
Then the Questions Started
Is that really what this is? Am I using that word correctly? Does it even apply to my situation? Or am I just looking for something to blame? Am I the problem after all?
I want to talk about that moment, because I think it’s one of the most significant moments in a person’s story. And I think it deserves more than a Wikipedia definition and a checklist.
Welcome to “So That’s What It’s Called,” a new series.
I’m Sharmen Kimbrough — Identity Coach, founder of LiveFound, and someone who has spent more than a decade sitting with women in exactly the space you might be in right now. The space between suspecting something and knowing it. Between finding a word that resonates and understanding what it actually means for your life.
Why this series exists
I’m concerned about something happening in the cultural conversation around emotional abuse and coercive control. The words are everywhere — gaslighting, narcissist, trauma bond. They’re on TikTok, in memes, in casual conversation between friends trying to make sense of relationships that don’t make sense.
I want to say something about that — something that might surprise you, coming from someone in this space. I don’t love it. Not because the words are wrong — they’re not. These are real, clinically documented, psychologically precise terms that describe real patterns of behavior that do real damage.
I’m uncomfortable because when a precise word becomes a popular word, it tends to lose its precision. It stretches to cover more than it was designed to cover. It starts to mean everything. And when a word means everything, it starts to mean nothing.
And you deserve better than nothing. You deserve language that actually fits what you’re living — not language that’s been softened, broadened, and made palatable enough for mass consumption.
What we’ll actually do here
In this series, we’re going slower than the internet. Deeper than the checklist. We’re going to look at gaslighting, DARVO, covert narcissism, trauma bonding, and triangulation — and understand what they actually mean, how they actually operate, and what they actually ask of you.
Not so you can diagnose anyone. That’s not your job. It’s not mine.
But so you can understand your own experience with the kind of precision that lets you make grounded, clear-eyed, soul-informed decisions about your own life.
This is for you — however your story unfolds
This series is for you whether you are staying, leaving, or in the limbo of a story you did not choose. There’s no agenda here about what you should or shouldn’t do with what you learn.
What I care about is this: that you understand what you’re navigating. That you have language for your experience that comes from somewhere more reliable than a trending hashtag. That you leave each post with something solid to stand on.
Because a woman who understands what she’s in — who has precise language for her own experience and doesn’t need someone else to validate it for her — is a woman who can make real choices.
That’s what we’re building here.
What’s coming
- Gaslighting — the most overused, most misunderstood, most important word in this entire conversation
- DARVO
- Covert narcissism
- Trauma bonding
- Flying monkeys & triangulation
- Love-bombing
- Future-faking
- Hoovering
We’re starting with gaslighting. By the time we’re done, you’ll never use that word casually again — and you’ll know exactly whether it applies to your life or not.
Find yourself. Keep yourself.
If you know a woman who’s been trying to find words for something she can’t quite name — send her this. She’s been waiting for this series. And if you want to follow along as each episode drops, subscribe so you don’t miss it.
