Why You Keep Scrolling — And What You’re Actually Hungry For

Something brought you here today. Maybe it was the title. Maybe it was a quiet pull you couldn’t quite name. But I want you to notice that something in you responded — and I don’t think that was an accident. That small movement toward something real? That’s the part of you that already knows something needs to change. And she’s been trying to get your attention for a while now.
Here’s what I keep seeing — not just culturally, but in the women who come to me after years of feeling like they’ve lost the thread of themselves. There’s this exhaustion underneath everything. And when you dig into it, what you find is this: they’ve been outsourcing their interior life for so long that they don’t know how to come home to themselves anymore.
I think a lot of us are there. Even if we wouldn’t say it that way.
So here’s the question I want to leave at the beginning of this piece, before we go anywhere else:
How much longer are you willing to stay lost?

Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: Recovery

In this part of our series on Narcissistic Victim Syndrome, we focus on recovery. Standard, run-of-the-mill approaches are potentially dangerous for couples stuck in power and control cycles. As coaches and counselors, we must protect the victim from further harm and work to potentially bring them to a place of collaboration. The dominating partner must become connection-oriented before collaboration can occur. Which means that couples work is not the first step.

Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: Overview

Our working definition of emotional abuse is that it is an ongoing pattern of selfish, destructive behaviors used to gain and maintain control over their spouse for one’s own benefit at the expense of their spouse. Underlying this pattern of behavior is a strong sense of entitlement to use others regardless of the cost to them. Narcissistic, emotional abuse eventually culminates in a very complicated case of un-health. The soul-crushing experience of being dismissed, unheard and unseen, belittled, and silenced culminates in becoming a dead (wo)man walking.

Hostage to The Misplaced Responsibility

I’m going to make a statement that might initially cause a strong reaction in you, but please hear me out. Ultimately, my goal is to find that precious, sacred, powerful point at which we become intentional about living, even in the midst of a destructive, stifling world. It is at that point where we have the God-given agency to make a choice about our next step, and about who we are and how we are showing up. The hardest question to answer is: How?

Attachment has a Role

There is a curious power to attachment theory and the role it plays in complicating trauma. I believe attachment issues underlie every psychological disorder and diagnosis. In my intro above, I started to write “…the role of attachment on psychological health.” But, it goes much deeper than that. I think it has a role is every aspect of our health – biological, psychological, sociological, spiritual, and relational.

Staring Abuse in the Face

One of the devastating effects of prolonged narcissistic abuse is gaslighting, leading victims to doubt their own sanity. She may ask herself if she is the narcissist because she has begun to internalize the abuser’s accusations.

Keep Walking

I talk a lot about personal responsibility, about how there is so much you can do to change where you are in life, and the extent of peace and joy you choose.

However, it is also true that you may be walking it well, your eyes on God, and your heart fully committed to Him, doing everything you know to eliminate any sin, unforgiveness, disrespect, and bitterness out of your own heart… and yet still remain in a hostile, heartbreaking place.