What is your bias?

Another nuance impacting attachment is confirmation bias. This might seem a bit random in the context of trauma, but there is a strong correlation between confirmation bias and resistance to change, thus resistance to healing. What we’ve deeply learned, both intrinsically and extrinsically, determines what we seek, expect, and perceive. When there is a gap in our understanding, we fill it in with our own narrative based upon previous learning. Most often we fill in those blanks with negativity and suspicion. Trauma teaches us what to watch for, what to expect, and how to perceive it.

The “Anyone Else” Test: A Simple Boundary Tool for Recognizing Mistreatment

Most women in destructive relationships spend enormous energy trying to answer one question: why does he do what he does? It feels like if you could just understand his intent, you could either excuse the pain — or finally know how to stop it.

Here’s what I want you to see instead: why is rarely the question that helps. It doesn’t excuse, and it never makes the pain smaller. The question that actually moves you forward is much simpler — what needs to happen next?

That’s where boundaries come in. And I want to give you one of the simplest tools I use with clients to find them.

“Where’d You Park?” — A Self-Evaluation for Breaking Free of Stubborn Pride, Fear, and Complacency

Where’d you park? Not literally — I mean in your life. Your marriage. Your walk with God. The people you keep close.

Most of us never stop to ask. And if you’re anything like the people I sit across from every week, some part of you already knows why: looking honestly at where you’ve parked means admitting you might need to move.