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When Faith Is Used Against You: Understanding Spiritual Bypassing in Abusive Relationships

If you have found your way to this page, there is a good chance you are carrying something that is very difficult to name — not just because it is painful, but because the very tools you would normally use to process pain have been turned against you.

Your faith. Your theology. The language of love and sacrifice and forgiveness and grace.

What I want to talk about today is one of the most insidious dynamics I encounter in my work with women in destructive relationships — and one of the least talked about in both clinical and church settings. It is called spiritual bypassing, and if you have been living inside it, you may not yet have the language for what has been happening to you. I want to give you that language today.

Because naming something is the beginning of not being controlled by it anymore.

What is Demanded with Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t their redemption—it’s yours. Explore why demanded forgiveness fails and how real change, not grace, heals broken bonds.

How Can God Be Love If Religious People Hurt Me?

Explore a personal journey of questioning God’s love amid religious abuse. Discover how Jesus heals and redeems pain caused by those misusing faith, offering hope and a renewed understanding of God’s heart.

What Biblical Submission Actually Means — And What It Isn’t

If you’ve ever been told that submission means obedience — that your job is to comply, and his job is to lead, no matter what that leadership looks like — I want to offer you a different picture. One that’s actually more faithful to what Scripture says, and far less damaging to your soul.

Submission that is demanded ceases to be submission. It becomes servitude. And love that is demanded ceases to be love — it becomes obligation. That’s not a minor distinction. It’s the difference between a soul that flourishes and a soul that shrivels.

Denying the Reality of Spiritual Abuse

We have a great propensity to deny what we don’t want to see. It’s often hard to imagine anyone being as cruel as the spouse you hear about in your clients’ experiences. When this person is someone you also know from your community or church, the denial can be fierce.

The False Safety of a Marriage Idol

God loves you too much to let you go through the rest of your life putting your hope in a marriage idol, even if that idol was designed to be a powerful reflection, and experience, of Him.

Keep Walking

I talk a lot about personal responsibility, about how there is so much you can do to change where you are in life, and the extent of peace and joy you choose.

However, it is also true that you may be walking it well, your eyes on God, and your heart fully committed to Him, doing everything you know to eliminate any sin, unforgiveness, disrespect, and bitterness out of your own heart… and yet still remain in a hostile, heartbreaking place.

Intentionally Standing

I don’t feel any different than you. Not more courageous. Not any wiser. Certainly not more intelligent. Just a normal girl trying to survive what life throws at her. Here are some thoughts I wrote to help stay focused.

Being Undone by Life

One of my friends, who is struggling desperately in her marriage, was heavily on my mind yesterday morning. She hates the cynicism, the loneliness, and the ugliness she feels inside.  But, she also feels too stuck to do anything about it – and almost doesn’t even care anymore.