The very tools you would normally use to process pain have been turned against you. Your faith. Your theology. The language of love and sacrifice and grace. There is a name for what is happening, and naming it is where its hold on you begins to break.
If you’ve ever been told that submission means obedience — that your job is to comply, and his job is to lead, no matter what that leadership looks like — I want to offer you a different picture. One that’s actually more faithful to what Scripture says, and far less damaging to your soul.
Submission that is demanded ceases to be submission. It becomes servitude. And love that is demanded ceases to be love — it becomes obligation. That’s not a minor distinction. It’s the difference between a soul that flourishes and a soul that shrivels.
We have a great propensity to deny what we don’t want to see. It’s often hard to imagine anyone being as cruel as the spouse you hear about in your clients’ experiences. When this person is someone you also know from your community or church, the denial can be fierce.
God loves you too much to let you go through the rest of your life putting your hope in a marriage idol, even if that idol was designed to be a powerful reflection, and experience, of Him.