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The “Anyone Else” Test: A Simple Boundary Tool for Recognizing Mistreatment
Most women in destructive relationships spend enormous energy trying to answer one question: why does he do what he does? It feels like if you could just understand his intent, you could either excuse the pain — or finally know how to stop it.
Here’s what I want you to see instead: why is rarely the question that helps. It doesn’t excuse, and it never makes the pain smaller. The question that actually moves you forward is much simpler — what needs to happen next?
That’s where boundaries come in. And I want to give you one of the simplest tools I use with clients to find them.
What Biblical Submission Actually Means — And What It Isn’t
If you’ve ever been told that submission means obedience — that your job is to comply, and his job is to lead, no matter what that leadership looks like — I want to offer you a different picture. One that’s actually more faithful to what Scripture says, and far less damaging to your soul.
Submission that is demanded ceases to be submission. It becomes servitude. And love that is demanded ceases to be love — it becomes obligation. That’s not a minor distinction. It’s the difference between a soul that flourishes and a soul that shrivels.
What To Do When the Marriage Has to Change for You To Stay in it.
When things have gotten dire enough to seek help, it’s often hard to know what to count on from your spouse regarding the future of your relationship. You desperately want to plant your feet into something solid and reliable. Therefore, it makes complete sense that you’d want to know if the changes being made are “real.” So, how can you tell?
Rightfully Angry
For both men and women, anger is a key building block in their wall of self-protection. It supports defense mechanisms and fuels the façades we wear. Anger can make it very difficult to be authentic and connect to your spouse. The only connection that can happen is to whatever is in front of your shield of self-protection, which is often a very shallow, non-vulnerable self. In being self-protective, you disable the very thing your heart craves: authentic connection.
Staying Intentional When Your Spouse Walks Out
I think what I hear between the lines is the struggle between what you “should” do based on your Christian background and what your gut is telling you to do to protect yourself from being further hurt and move on with your life.
Chemistry is Not Connection
We enter relationships attracted by something—a look, a personality, a desire, an intrigue—without the skills to maturely relate. And without those skills and perspective, the chemistry easily explodes into chaos, confusion, and loneliness.