“Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give the care it requires, we do it not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch.” -Parker J. Palmer
The Unseen Weight of Neglecting Soul-Care
Many of us, especially those who call themselves codependent, live as conduits, channeling our energy into others, believing our vision, devotion and sacrifice can mend them, empower them, or transform them. We invest our time and energy into loving, serving, and supporting them to inspire them to become better versions of themselves. And we sacrifice our own souls on the alter of “forgiveness” as we strive for them to step into the potential we see. And, in the process, abandon that soul.
You can’t “be yourself” without taking care of that self. Think about what it’s been like to be in a destructive or toxic relationship. What has that done to your soul?! Now look at your own inner environment – you in your own head. Have you been toxic to yourself? Have you squashed your own soul, silenced your own voice, or belittled your own giftedness simply because you haven’t taken care of the “you” you’ve been given?
The Erosion of Ignoring Your Soul
What remains is not mere exhaustion, but a hollowed-out ache, a soul stretched thin, teetering on the edge of resentment or collapse. The silence we’ve managed ourselves down to threatens to become undone in an explosion. What you’ve been pouring out hasn’t been replenished, and now you’re trying to maintain out of nothing, which compounds your feelings of being unheard, dismissed, ignored or mistreated. Your own foundation is eroded. Your soul loses it’s bearings. And, you are unable to hold the weight of your own authenticity. That’s why you feel like a shell of a person.
Something to consider: When you don’t care for yourself, people can’t trust that you really care for them. There is too much incongruence. On the surface, your relationships might seem fine, but there is a sense of instability, something not quite right, because it feels disingenuous. How can you tell them to find joy, walk in their calling, be their best when you don’t? If you long for your life to make a difference in the world around you, the strength of your difference will depend upon the health of your soul.
Soul-Care Feels Like Coming Home
Maybe you’ve had that sudden realization that you’ve been neglecting you – made yourself small and invisible, pushed down your hopes or decided your longings don’t matter. Soul-car is about coming home to yourself. It’s about listening to your heart so you can show up in the world being (AKA living.) Instead of our love toward others being performative, our nurtured soul can show up fuller, freer, more true-to-heart.
“The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to hide it or protect it. The only way to care for it is to listen to it.” – Chip Dodd
You start to shine again. And, here’s a thought, shining doesn’t have to concern itself with making people see it. It just shines. Your presence becomes steadier, your love more grounded. Your heart feels more aligned to truth.
While it is true that being treated better would go a long way to refill your aching soul, there are ways to care for yourself that will help, as well. In fact, fiercely protecting moments for your own health will significantly impact the people around you in greater ways than simply trying to love them the way you have. Not because you can transform them! But, because it’s invites them to take responsibility for their own souls as well.
Soul-Care Anchors True Connection
The truth is, love poured out alone cannot sustain us if we are neglecting ourselves in the process. Love, to be whole and complete, requires reciprocity, a circle of connection; substance of soul to create that connection.
Self-care is not indulgence; it’s the disciplined act of preserving the only instrument we have to offer the world—our true, unguarded self. As Brené Brown wisely says, “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” Tend to your soul, and something shifts.
When you feel good about you, when you’ve slept well, eaten something healthy, fed your soul and grounded your spirit, THEN you are much better able to love the people around you well.
When we take intentional steps to nurture ourselves, we shift from a place of depletion to one of abundance. Prioritizing self-care isn’t about selfishness—it’s about sustainability. Soul-care empowers you to live in joy, purpose and resilience regardless of the nonsense around you.
Deliberate Acts of Soul-Care
To live authentically, integrate these practices into the rhythm of your days:
- Honor your word to yourself: Honor commitments to yourself as fiercely as you do for others. Integrity builds self-trust.
- Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say: Authenticity requires clear, honest communication within yourself and with others. Let your words carry the weight of truth.
- Protect Your Integrity: Your character should remain steadfast, whether in public or private. Live consistently, aligning your actions with your values regardless of who’s watching.
- Embrace Raw Honestly: As Brene’ Brown reminds us, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” Allow yourself to feel deeply what is real – grief, joy, fear – without apology. It is the driver of courage.
- Hold Space for Yourself: Make room for reflection, rest, and emotional processing. Carve out silence and solitude to give your soul room to breathe, to process, and to simply be. Even five minutes to breathe, journal, or let the sun shine on your uplifted face can recharge you.
- Live Intentionally: This is your life—own it with purpose and direction. Direct your life toward what resonates deeply in your soul. Live on purpose, chasing what makes your heart sing.
These are quiet commitments to your soul’s health that align with guarding your own heart because it is the wellspring of your life. (Paraphrased from Proverbs 4:23)
The Beauty of a Well-Loved Soul
When we care for ourselves, we naturally extend that care to others in healthier, more sustainable ways. When we are well-rested, emotionally balanced, and grounded, we show up fully for our relationships. Instead of giving from a place of exhaustion, we give from a place of abundance. You don’t just feel better – you love better.
By prioritizing our own well-being, we not only heal ourselves but also create space for deeper, more meaningful connections with those around us. Your relationships deepen, not because you’ve tried harder but because you’ve become more whole. Your steadfastness-of-heart gives others permission to find and own theirs.
The Call to Begin Again
Self-care is not indulgence; it is a fierce necessity. It is the foundation for authentic living and deeply connected relationships. It’s the choice to see yourself as valuable, not as disposable. So pause, even if it’s just a moment right now to listen to your heart. Tend it with discipline and grace. Invest in yourself. Live wholeheartedly, with depth, truth, and a fully alive soul. Let us help you navigate the trauma and disaster around you in order to find your heart and live it well!
“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort. ” – Deborah Day
