Attachment has a Role

There is a curious power to attachment theory and the role it plays in complicating trauma. I believe attachment issues underlie every psychological disorder and diagnosis. In my intro above, I started to write “…the role of attachment on psychological health.” But, it goes much deeper than that. I think it has a role is every aspect of our health – biological, psychological, sociological, spiritual, and relational.

Abuse as Misplaced Responsibility

Many of my clients start their story by saying, “It has taken me way too long to get the courage to speak up about this. I am so ashamed of letting myself stay in this abuse for so long!” They often feel a sense of misplaced responsibility, thinking they could have have seen and stopped it. Or that they should have been better, sexier, more fun, a better housekeeper, more submissive, more respectful. They often believe that if they were just less selfish, they could have made him happy. “If I had just done it differently, I could have figured this out and fixed it.”

Denying the Reality of Spiritual Abuse

We have a great propensity to deny what we don’t want to see. It’s often hard to imagine anyone being as cruel as the spouse you hear about in your clients’ experiences. When this person is someone you also know from your community or church, the denial can be fierce.

Keep Walking

I talk a lot about personal responsibility, about how there is so much you can do to change where you are in life, and the extent of peace and joy you choose.

However, it is also true that you may be walking it well, your eyes on God, and your heart fully committed to Him, doing everything you know to eliminate any sin, unforgiveness, disrespect, and bitterness out of your own heart… and yet still remain in a hostile, heartbreaking place.

Why Would I?

I think what I hear between the lines is the struggle between what you “should” do based on your Christian background and values, and what your gut is telling you to do to protect yourself from being hurt by her further and move on with your life.

The Perturbed Heart, Part 1

Consider the inner chaos you are experiencing connected to another person or people. Whatever feelings they provoke in you, that’s what God is after. The closer the relationship, the deeper the emotional impact. These feelings reflect the deeper issues of your heart—your insecurities, fears, desires, and your ability to connect and love. It’s within this space that God wants to transform your life.

How Big is God… really?

As Christians, most of us have been taught that there is an unseen world – beyond viruses and bacteria — that affects the seen world.  We know that Satan prowls like a lion seeking whom he may devour. We know our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against an evil force we can barely wrap our minds around.

Crazy…or Courageous?

The hard part is confronting our prideful need to feel in control of our circumstances. Trusting God enough to follow Him to some crazy places means that we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to the unknown and the unsafe.

The Power of Grace

All of my own naivete, foolishness and nonsense remind me what an incredible gift God’s mercy is to have allowed me the room to grow, change, and mature.