Disorganized Attachment – When Love Feels Both Safe & Scary

For some, love feels like both a haven and a storm, comforting yet terrifying. If your past was marked by trauma, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving, you might find yourself in a constant emotional tug-of-war.
[Part 4 of a series on Attachment]

Avoidant Attachment – Keeping Love at a Distance

Avoidant attachment isn’t a conscious choice, but a protective response that often develops in childhood when vulnerability felt unsafe.
[Part 3 of a series on Attachment]

What is your bias?

Another nuance impacting attachment is confirmation bias. This might seem a bit random in the context of trauma, but there is a strong correlation between confirmation bias and resistance to change, thus resistance to healing. What we’ve deeply learned, both intrinsically and extrinsically, determines what we seek, expect, and perceive. When there is a gap in our understanding, we fill it in with our own narrative based upon previous learning. Most often we fill in those blanks with negativity and suspicion. Trauma teaches us what to watch for, what to expect, and how to perceive it.

Attachment has a Role

There is a curious power to attachment theory and the role it plays in complicating trauma. I believe attachment issues underlie every psychological disorder and diagnosis. In my intro above, I started to write “…the role of attachment on psychological health.” But, it goes much deeper than that. I think it has a role is every aspect of our health – biological, psychological, sociological, spiritual, and relational.

The Shift in Focus

I need people in my space, helping me to navigate the stupid things of life, so really this is an invitation for you to become that “people.” Let’s connect!

The Perturbed Heart, Part 1

Consider the inner chaos you are experiencing connected to another person or people. Whatever feelings they provoke in you, that’s what God is after. The closer the relationship, the deeper the emotional impact. These feelings reflect the deeper issues of your heart—your insecurities, fears, desires, and your ability to connect and love. It’s within this space that God wants to transform your life.