Is It Normal to Feel This Way?
After separating from domestic abuse, it is normal to feel an array of emotions. Each stage of healing comes with its own challenges and experiences. Here are some of the emotions you may encounter:
Feeling Like You Are Dying Inside
It is normal to feel like you’re dying inside. The only way out of this scary feeling is to feel, weep, and find comfort in Jesus. The world you knew is dying, but healing, redemption, and beauty will arise as you press into Him.
Feeling Traumatized
I remember waking up with panic attacks, cold sweats, and feeling trauma at an extreme level upon leaving. Your body may go through what feels like a shock because it is a shock—to your system, life, beliefs, and sense of safety. This experience is different for everyone, depending on circumstances, spiritual beliefs, and background. The trauma I felt in my body during the first two months was the most intense I had ever experienced. Please be patient and gentle with yourself here and invest in as much soul care as possible. Surround yourself with people who love you.
Feeling Joy
When I first left, I was traumatized for about two months, then I began feeling relief. I was probably the most joyful I had ever been. I was set free and no longer living in daily abuse. I was in awe of God’s mercy that He would allow me to be set free from something I thought I was trapped in for the rest of my life. This was confusing to me as there was no grief—just relief. This joy lasted about five months.
Feeling Mixed Emotions
One minute, you may feel like you are doing the wrong thing, and the next, you feel certain you made the right decision. One moment, you may feel joyful; the next, you are full of grief. The ups and downs are part of the process.
Feeling Like You Are Wandering Spiritually
You are going against what God has written on your heart. The breaking of a covenant was never God’s design, and therefore, it will break your heart, whether you want it to or not. It will feel spiritually confusing. You will have many questions but won’t have all the answers. No one else’s answers will satisfy your heart because this is a wrestle between you and God. For me, I poured myself into Scripture. I began with Genesis 1 and went through Leviticus, highlighting every verse on covenant and marriage. I then went to 1 John and listened to it throughout the night until the truth of what God says about Christian living sank into my heart. It was only the truths from His Word that set me free. It took me almost a year and a half to find this peace.
Moving Through the Healing Process
Experiencing Grief Unexpectedly
Once my body felt safe, grief hit. This came at the end of my spiritual wrestling with God, as I was finding peace and safety. The grief hit me hard and fast. I cried throughout the day for months! I didn’t think I would ever feel joy again and had no clue how long it would last. You will stop crying, and you will stop feeling the pain, but grief is something you learn to live with. The loss won’t ever go away, and new grief will surface occasionally, but you will find joy, peace, and beauty as you learn to live with it. If you fight it, it will last longer—the only way through it is to face it.
Feeling Anger
Once you grieve, you might feel anger. This emotion, too, must be felt and processed in a safe community and with a counselor. This one will eventually subside as you release it continually to God by pouring your heart out to Him! However, I’ve found this emotion to come and go, much like grief.
Feeling Fear
Five and a half years later, I’m still wrestling with the fear left from becoming single. I don’t have an answer for this one other than that it does lessen over time. The fear I once felt was INTENSE. I would feel a panic attack coming on when my fire alarm went off. Anything out of my control gave me anxiety. I believe a lot of my fear came from a lack of confidence in myself. As I’ve walked forward, trusting in God’s faithfulness, each new victory and the proof of His great faithfulness lessened the fear.
This is my journey. Others may experience this in a different order, and it will look different for everyone. I’m here to walk alongside you to help you move from grief into joy, peace, and fulfillment in finding the redemption God has for you.
