Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: Recovery

In this part of our series on Narcissistic Victim Syndrome, we focus on recovery. Standard, run-of-the-mill approaches are potentially dangerous for couples stuck in power and control cycles. As coaches and counselors, we must protect the victim from further harm and work to potentially bring them to a place of collaboration. The dominating partner must become connection-oriented before collaboration can occur. Which means that couples work is not the first step.

What is your bias?

Another nuance impacting attachment is confirmation bias. This might seem a bit random in the context of trauma, but there is a strong correlation between confirmation bias and resistance to change, thus resistance to healing. What we’ve deeply learned, both intrinsically and extrinsically, determines what we seek, expect, and perceive. When there is a gap in our understanding, we fill it in with our own narrative based upon previous learning. Most often we fill in those blanks with negativity and suspicion. Trauma teaches us what to watch for, what to expect, and how to perceive it.

Attachment has a Role

There is a curious power to attachment theory and the role it plays in complicating trauma. I believe attachment issues underlie every psychological disorder and diagnosis. In my intro above, I started to write “…the role of attachment on psychological health.” But, it goes much deeper than that. I think it has a role is every aspect of our health – biological, psychological, sociological, spiritual, and relational.

Letting Go of Rejection

When fighting loneliness post-divorce, it can be so easy to be consumed by the sense of rejection from previous in-laws and friends. The feeling of being left out or abandoned by those who once were close can be overwhelming and debilitating.

Keep Walking

I talk a lot about personal responsibility, about how there is so much you can do to change where you are in life, and the extent of peace and joy you choose.

However, it is also true that you may be walking it well, your eyes on God, and your heart fully committed to Him, doing everything you know to eliminate any sin, unforgiveness, disrespect, and bitterness out of your own heart… and yet still remain in a hostile, heartbreaking place.

The Perturbed Heart, Part 1

Consider the inner chaos you are experiencing connected to another person or people. Whatever feelings they provoke in you, that’s what God is after. The closer the relationship, the deeper the emotional impact. These feelings reflect the deeper issues of your heart—your insecurities, fears, desires, and your ability to connect and love. It’s within this space that God wants to transform your life.