Finding Hope and Healing for your Soul
Upon hearing of her spouse’s sexual betrayal, a woman’s deepest pain often takes the form of questions:
“Why wasn’t I enough? Why won’t he choose me?”
These were the same cries echoed by Leah in Genesis 29:32-35 in her misery as her husband didn’t choose or love her. Yet, God saw…
Understanding the Root of Betrayal Is Not About You
Friend, just as the fault for abuse lies with the abuser, the fault in betrayal lies with the betrayer; it has nothing to do with your worth as a person or your ability to provide what he “needs.” The betrayer’s heart sees people with entitlement, as objects to be consumed for his pleasure. He didn’t choose the other woman or porn over you because they were “more” or “better”—he chose himself.
It was a choice made in an attempt to fill the emptiness of his soul—a void that only God can fill. This is why he keeps going back to sexual sin; one time is never enough. Trying to be “enough” for him sexually, in an effort to prevent him from acting out, is like trying to fill a colander with water: it will never be enough. It becomes an ever-demanding, ever-draining, and pointless effort on your part.
His Betrayal Reflects His Heart, Not Your Value
A better question is, “Why is he repeatedly choosing betrayal over healing—even when he knows it’s hurting you and your children?” Abusers often want us to turn the question inward. Why? Because it numbs their guilt and keeps them from addressing the brokenness in their own hearts.
Friend, his actions are not a reflection of you, but of his own unwillingness to be healed and whole.
Which means that at some point, you must evaluate your own heart’s capacity to stay enraptured, engaged with, or defined by a heart like that.
You Are Worthy to Be Chosen and Loved
You are WORTHY to be CHOSEN and VALUED, regardless of his choices. Healed, whole men don’t choose porn or other women or use a pornified lens to view the women around them. Healed men honor women. They pour out love instead of consuming it. They have allowed God’s love to fill their emptiness first, which transforms how they relate to others.
A man who uses women to fill the black hole in his soul will drain you until there’s nothing left but a shell.
If Jesus’ love isn’t enough for him, then neither yours—nor anyone else’s—ever will be.
God Sees Your Pain and Is Writing a Redemption Story
In the story of Leah, we can feel her anguish and heartbreak. Rejected, unseen, unchosen—no matter how hard she tried. Yet the text says, “God saw Leah.” He heard her cries and wove redemption into her story (see Genesis 29). Despite the rejection of man, God chose her.
My friend, God has chosen YOU. He is weaving redemption through your heartbreak, even now.
Turning Your Heart Toward Hope and Living with Expectation of God’s Care
The betrayal may have shaken your world, but you are not stuck in despair. You can choose to turn your heart and mind toward hope, wisdom, and living authentically in the present moment—trusting that God is actively caring for you.
Here are five action steps to begin that journey:
- Acknowledge the Pain Without Letting It Define You
Grieve. Weep. Name what’s been lost. But don’t confuse your pain with your identity. You are not the betrayal. You are beloved by God. - Refuse to Carry What Isn’t Yours
Release the shame, blame, and “if onlys.” His sin is his to carry. Refusing to take responsibility for his betrayal is an act of spiritual clarity and emotional strength. - Anchor Yourself in Truth Daily
Return to God’s Word and promises. Write them down. Speak them over your life. Let truth retrain your brain and rewire your heart to believe again in love, goodness, and possibility. - Choose Radical Presence
Don’t wait until you feel “healed” to live. Be present in small ways today—whether it’s sipping your coffee slowly, laughing with a friend, or watching a sunrise. These little acts declare, “I am still here, and I will live.” - Expect Redemption—Because God Is Faithful
Expect God to show up. Expect healing. Expect that your story isn’t over, and that His care for you is constant, personal, and powerful. Live like you are loved—because you are.
You are not forgotten. You are not too broken. You are not unworthy.
God sees. God chooses. And God redeems.
Let us help you find the words to tell your story, share your grief, and find your way into living a life that is loved.
