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Healing Together
It is common for couples to remain in a relationship even when emotional abuse has been part of the picture. Even when the pressure of staying together is removed, she may still choose to stay for multiple layers of valid reasons. We need to create a road map to help them move toward healing together or, at least, help her detach from the abuse with good boundaries, strong character, and a safety plan to stay well.
Abuse as Misplaced Responsibility
Many of my clients start their story by saying, “It has taken me way too long to get the courage to speak up about this. I am so ashamed of letting myself stay in this abuse for so long!” They often feel a sense of misplaced responsibility, thinking they could have have seen and stopped it. Or that they should have been better, sexier, more fun, a better housekeeper, more submissive, more respectful. They often believe that if they were just less selfish, they could have made him happy. “If I had just done it differently, I could have figured this out and fixed it.”
Denying the Reality of Spiritual Abuse
We have a great propensity to deny what we don’t want to see. It’s often hard to imagine anyone being as cruel as the spouse you hear about in your clients’ experiences. When this person is someone you also know from your community or church, the denial can be fierce.
Please Just Make it Stop
One of the biggest issues creating stumbling blocks for breaking free and healing from emotional abuse is a well-meaning response that does not take into account the deviant thinking of someone who resorts to emotional powering-over to manage their environment.
Staring Abuse in the Face
One of the devastating effects of prolonged narcissistic abuse is gaslighting, leading victims to doubt their own sanity. She may ask herself if she is the narcissist because she has begun to internalize the abuser’s accusations.
Letting Go of Rejection
When fighting loneliness post-divorce, it can be so easy to be consumed by the sense of rejection from previous in-laws and friends. The feeling of being left out or abandoned by those who once were close can be overwhelming and debilitating.
It’s a Lonely Road Alone
Having been mentored through some bottom-of-the-pit seasons of my own life, I’ve realized how powerful it is to have someone in my corner, encouraging, stretching, pushing, and holding me accountable to follow through with the hard steps I knew I needed to take.
Imagine. Explore. Create.
Resilience isn’t a passive bounce-back. It is the result of how you take what you’ve got to work with, no matter how insignificant it might seem, and make something of it.
