I think what I hear between the lines is the struggle between what you “should” do based on your Christian background and what your gut is telling you to do to protect yourself from being further hurt and move on with your life.
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Living lost means going from one urgent moment to the next without a purpose other than to get through that moment. It is the aimless complacency of making it through the day, just to start all over again the next with no real direction. Along the way, any relationships built tend to be shallow and unfulfilling as you work hard to hide how lost you are living.
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